I want you know that I’m writing this because I care about us. I believe in us. We were meant to be together. I know we’ve had our ups and downs, like those late nights debating whether to use a semi-colon or a period (the period was correct, by the way), but I know we can work this out.
In the spirit of our love, I’ve compiled a few concrete ways to deepen our relationship. I’ll even use I-statements because I’m not looking to start a fight; I care that much (that’s how you use a semi-colon, dear).
• I wish that you would read your writing before you give it to me. I feel like a semantics slave when I can’t focus on the broad strokes of your magnificent work because I can’t make it through a paragraph without fixing five comma splices. • I would feel very happy if you would experiment with sentence structure with exercises like those found in The Art of Styling Sentences. If I have to read one more sentence starting with a gerund, I just might lose it. • For the sake of the eyes that you gaze into with rhetorical love and admiration, double-space and don’t use Courier or Comic Sans unless you’d like me to just give up from the beginning. • Communication is the key to any successful relationship. If you disagree with my revisions or suggestions, let’s talk this thing out and not go to bed angry at each other. I feel useless if you simply ignore a comment without explanation, as if I wasn’t even there. • I need encouragement too. You know I’m here to love and support you in all that you do with our beloved English language, but please don’t forget that despite the strength of my editorial judgment, I’m a person with feelings. Cherish me.
I know that we can make it through these challenges. Just remember that when it comes to put pen to paper, it’s not me, it’s you.